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This question has been asked of me by a couple of different women, "I'm a single woman with kids and a full time career. Can I have a good man that is willing to do things on my terms and also respect the fact that I have kids?"

To that I say no...

For example: I tried to date a professional woman who had a very demanding schedule. Working about 70 hours a week with very little free time during the week. She also had 2 small children from a previous marriage with very little help from the ex husband. So the weekend was devoted to spending time with the kids.

Now being a man the first thing that I think about is how can I fit into the picture. Notice I said how can I fit and not how can she fit. In this situation I can be the more flexible one, based on my time and other commits.

But her terms were I want to see you when I'm free, but I'm only free during the weekends. But I'm not really free because I have my kids with me and since I don't get to spend I lot of time with them during the week I devote all my time to them during the weekend. But also you can not come to my house because that is where my kids live and I "no longer" bring men to my house.

Surprisingly my mouth did drop open. So I asked when do we ever get to spend anytime together, because of course to grow anything into anything long term we have to interact, right? Now before she answers, please understand that as a man that has dated my share of single mothers I understand that it is often hard to find someone to "dump" your kids on. And alot of your free time is spent with the kids. So therefore I know if I want to develop a relationship with you, I have to develop one with the family as a whole.

Her answer, well let's see. On Fridays I'm just drained from the week so I just come home and go to bed. Now you can catch me on Saturdays when I'm out and about doing things with my kids. And that's only if the weather permits and the place is really public. Because of course I do not want them to know I'm dating anyone.

I quickly added up the time in my head. That's only 3 hours a week. Only if all the conditions were right. I thought this has to be a joke. So I asked what did you do with the last boyfriend? They dated for about a year and a half. It ended because he was "cheating" and ended up getting another woman pregnant. Well she says with a pause that seemed to last forever... He had a friend that lived in my neighborhood. So we would meet over there. I said really, where did you'll have sex? Over the friends house. LMAO...

To recap: 1. You want a "good man" that is not going to cheat. 2. You don't want to deal with that man during the week. 3. You don't want to bring that man around your house or your kids. 4. You're not going to inconvenience yourself or your schedule. 5. He can not complain about none of this.

Now this might be an extreme case. Which it is, but it is very common. Ladies pay close attention to what I'm about to say: With your long list of what you will not do you will never ever find a "good man". You will find a man. But for you to sit up here and think that you will find a man that will be supportive of your work and supportive of the fact that you don't want to appear or give the impression that mommy is a whore to your kids. And on top of that treat the man like a 2nd class citizen only wanting to deal with him when you want to be bothered. And dare him to even look at another female. It's just not going to happen.

I do offer a suggestion though: Be single work on your career and raise your kids. When they are grown and out of the house and your career is on track then you can date as many men as you want.

I can just image the look on your face after reading that line. But look at it this way. By trying to limit how you interact with a man you think that you are going to avoid get hurt. Or the fact that your kids will get attached to someone that is not going to be around for a long time. As with women, men are unknown variables. Meaning you do not know whats on a persons mind or in their heart. For you to think that you can talk to someone for a year or two and really know them you're dead wrong. The only way to avoid people tracking in and out your life and your kids life and to avoid any unnecessary drama and pain is to stay single. You control your whole world.. Your kids are your #1 priority, right?

Love yourself 1st.

Tony